


Safety Cape

by sweet_witch_hella_knight



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Autism, Autistic Burnout, Autistic Christine Canigula, Autistic Jeremy Heere, Comfort, F/M, Gen, Play Rehearsal, Post-Canon, Robin Hood References, Stimming, sensory issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-19
Updated: 2019-06-19
Packaged: 2020-05-14 15:28:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19276123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweet_witch_hella_knight/pseuds/sweet_witch_hella_knight
Summary: Jeremy finds Christine curled up under her costume in the middle of the stage before rehearsal, and while helping her process her anxieties, he learns something they have in common.





	Safety Cape

**Author's Note:**

> i was feeling low and turned to bmc fanfic because it really makes me feel very very happy to think about jeremy, christine, and (though he's not present here, i do wanna write about him too though) michael as autistic. like it's the way the show makes the most sense to me.
> 
> so i wrote a stagedorks thing projecting a little onto both jeremy and christine. it's actually not explicitly mutually romantic, and you can interpret it however you want, but i just thought it was sweet. :3

When Jeremy walked into the cafetorium, he was surprised to find not Christine as the only thing on stage, but a large lump of fabric.

It threw him off, because Christine was always, naturally, the first one at play rehearsal, and he usually followed her there. But he hadn't even seen her for most of tenth period, so he assumed she'd just gone home early.

He walked up onto the stage and realized the fabric was actually King John's cape, the one Christine wore in their gender-blind production of _Robin Hood._ (She was actually both Robin Hood _and_ King John, which required a lot of running around and speaking to a crown or hat with nobody in it, but even after the _Midsummer_ debacle brought a lot of attention to the theater program, talent was still pretty hard to come by. At least they didn't need to cast one of the characters as a hand puppet again.) Kneeling down, Jeremy could make out a bit of choppy black hair, and heard some soft breathing.

He lifted the cape up, and to his surprise, Christine was underneath, eyes closed, seemingly in another world. Jeremy felt a bit stupid for assuming she would ever _not_ be the first person here.

Christine opened her eyes and propped herself up on her elbows. "Oh, hey, Jer," she said. "Is it three o'clock already?"

"Three-ten," Jeremy clarified.

"Oh." Christine sat up, the cape still wrapped around her shoulders. "I lost track of time." She smiled awkwardly. "Good thing we're early."

They both chuckled a bit. Jeremy could see, though, that Christine was a bit spacey, avoiding eye contact and rubbing her hands down the cape. He had to admit, the faux fur was enticing. He wished his Will Scarlet frock was that luxurious; it was a velvet ensemble that made him sweat and itch, and he'd never be able to stand it if Christine's extravagant acting didn't captivate all his senses.

Jeremy hesitantly touched the cape and didn't even want to lift his hand, the texture was really that soft and fluffy. He grabbed a handful just to feel it run between his fingers, almost like a kneading cat.

But he realized this was yanking the cape off her shoulders, and once she turned towards him in confusion, he let go of the fabric and sat up straight. "Oh, uh, sorry, I, um, didn't like, realize..." He gulped and smacked himself on the leg to stop his stutter. "I was kind of, like, messing that up."

Christine didn't seem that mad. "No, I get it, it's _super_ soft. As soon as we found it, I knew it was the perfect cape for the king. It gives off those annoyingly opulent vibes, but then as a bonus it's super relaxing." She grabbed a handful of the fabric and rubbed it on her face.

"Yeah, uh, you really did a great job with costume direction this year," Jeremy said with a smile. Even though his own costume wasn't as comfortable, he still believed it fit the role well, and knew for a fact that Christine put her all into selecting it.

"Thanks." She still seemed a bit quiet, not hyped up for rehearsal like usual, and Jeremy was concerned. Was it appropriate to ask? Or would that be too nosey? He could never tell how much was enough, and the fear of being shocked or yanked back or otherwise punished for saying the wrong thing still wasn't completely gone.

Not that looking like an asocial idiot wasn't punishment enough. Even though he logically knew she didn't judge him like that, seventeen years of ostracization and constant panic over Doing The Social Thing Right weren't easy to overcome.

He felt tense and twitchy, so he put his hand down on the cape again and just went for it. "I didn't see you in pre-calc today, were you okay?" he asked, looking down at the floor.

Christine sighed in reluctance, and it made Jeremy nervous again, like maybe he made it worse without realizing. "If you don't want to tell me, then, like, that's fine! That's fine!" he insisted, his foot twitching independent of him.

"No, it's just a stupid excuse." Christine wasn't looking Jeremy in the eye either, twiddling her fingers instead.

"I'm sure it's not," Jeremy said honestly. "I've probably skipped class for stupider reasons."

Christine looked up at Jeremy's face with what might have been shame. "I just couldn't focus. Like, I hate skipping class, I usually never do, because it feels so irresponsible and I don't want to screw up midterms, because I got like an 80 on my last quiz, and I know senior year is basically a nothing year because college is more concerned with our junior year GPAs, but I still want to try for myself even though I forgot a lot of the polynomial formulas because I was looking for props on Amazon all night before we started on those and was dozing off in class and..." She looked up at Jeremy, stopped, and tried to take a deep breath and organize her thoughts.

Jeremy lifted the corner of her cape with a tiny smile. "Need to snuggle more of this?"

Christine giggled a bit and wrapped herself in the cape again, falling back on the stage. Jeremy fell back with her, feeling glad to be lying down and relaxing more.

"I guess I just got...burnt out," Christine continued, a bit slower now. "Plus Jake ran into me at lunch and..." She rested one hand on her chest and shook her head. "We had a nice conversation, actually, but I just wasn't planning on talking, and I felt like I was...forcing myself?" She turned her head to Jeremy. "Does that make any sense?"

Jeremy nodded. All his social interactions felt a little forced, except with Michael and, apparently, Christine.

Christine gathered her cape in her arms and hugged it. "And at one point we started talking about, you know, the stuff from junior year, his house, his injuries..." She squeezed her cape tighter. "And it got me feeling super guilty, but I couldn't just say 'I'm not emotionally prepared to respond to your trauma right now' and sound like a complete jerk. But that stayed on my mind for the rest of the day."

Jeremy wished that a day could go by where he wasn't reminded of the Squip bullshit, and he felt awful knowing he wasn't even the only one it was haunting. "It wasn't your fault, you know-"

"I know, but I still felt bad about, _him_ feeling bad, and not being able to do much about it, and just everything that happened with me and him that night, even though I know it isn't about _me_..." Christine balled her cape up into a little ball, rolled over on her side, and rested her head on it. "And class has been hell with all this test prep cropping up, plus I still need to find sword props for _Robin Hood_ that are both safe _and_ not embarrassingly inaccurate, and then by the time I got to math...I just needed a break." She sat up and covered herself in the cape. "So I came here, and wrapped myself in this thing, and just lay down on the stage to get away from everything. I know that's probably selfish."

"No, no, I do that too, a lot of the time." Jeremy usually didn't like getting personal, but he at least wanted Christine to know she wasn't alone. "I can't tell you how many times I needed to leave class and cool down in the nurse's office." He touched the fuzzy cape again. "But I like your idea better, cause this thing is way cozier than the nurse's cot."

Christine smiled, unballed the cape, and folded it so it was wide enough for both of their heads. Jeremy looked at her unsure, but she patted it down invitingly, so he cautiously moved his head onto it. They looked at each other and smiled.

"God, I wish I could just block out everything in the world and just _live_ in this fabric."

"Oh, word," Jeremy said.

"You know, even in the summer, sometimes I just get a blanket just for no reason other than..." She clenched her fists. "I like the _soft._ "

"I, for one, _love_ the soft. Even in the summer." Jeremy hoped he didn't sound as stupid as he felt. His compulsion to validate her just barely outweighed his desire to shut up before he got too weird. "And you know like, those weighted blankets especially can be super great." Fuck. Fuck. That probably totally outed him.

But Christine opened her arms in glee. "Those are so good! But I like softness more than pressure, I think..." She stopped herself and sat up. "Jeremy?"

"Yeah?" Jeremy sat up next to her.

"I have a question...I hope it isn't too personal."

Jeremy gulped. "Y-yeah?"

"Are you....on the spectrum?"

_Fuuuuuuck,_ fuck, fuck. Of course she would figure it out, she's so fucking smart. Jeremy looked down, anxiously banging his foot on the edge of the stage, trying to figure out whether it was safer to tell her the truth and risk her never going on another date with him, or even no longer being his friend, or even staying his "friend" but completely condescending him for the rest of their time together, yeah she isn't the type to do that but you can never be to careful...

Or he could lie to her, which would probably be safer (he swore the little voice in the back of his head was insisting Jeremy completely laugh off the idea), but lying to her felt like a stab in the gut. He couldn't deceive her anymore.

Christine saw his hesitation and clarified, "Like, the autism spectrum. I know, I don't really love that term either, mostly because people think it's like a spectrum of 'high' to 'low' but really, it's just various degrees of symptoms sprinkled into a person like a delicious autistic sundae, with a bunch of unlimited options, you know?" She mimed sprinkling something onto the stage. "Like, I have no idea where I would place on a _spectrum_ , I don't want to call myself _higher_ than anyone else, I'm just me!" She shrugged gleefully, but her face fell when she saw how confused Jeremy was.

Jeremy pointed at Christine. "You're on the...you're autistic?"

"Yeah." Christine blinked a few times. "I never mentioned?"

"No, I don't think so. Just the ADHD, I think." In hindsight, Jeremy probably should have recognized the fact that she talked about theater the same way he and Michael would ramble on about their usually-mutual special interests, and the fact that she sometimes flapped her hands in the same excitable way he tried to avoid when he was particularly happy (though his jittery bouncing leg was a bit harder to control, even with the fear of electrocution). Plus, of course, the compulsion to lose herself in objects of great sensory value. He vaguely remembered how endearing it was to learn she still slept with all her stuffed animals, and this new information just made that fact about her even more wonderful.

He wondered if she had any of the accommodations he had? And how much of her behavior came from the ADHD diagnosis and how much from the autism? There was so much he wanted to know but had no idea how to ask. He hoped he wouldn't become too focused on this, considering he hated being reduced to _his_ disability, it would be silly to do that to her regardless of intentions. She was still the same Christine, and she happened to be autistic like him. Simple as that.

"Oh." Christine brushed a strand of hair behind her ear. "The ADHD I've known about since I was like, six, the autism I wasn't diagnosed with for longer." She shrugged. "I guess I just never felt the need to really bring it up to you until now."

"I am, too!" Jeremy blurted out, more sure of saying it than he'd even been saying it to anybody. "Autism, I mean." That grammar made no sense but his brain was very buzzy right now.

"I was wondering, yeah, cause I could tell you were kind of stimming." Christine pointed to Jeremy's leg bouncing on the edge of the stage. He grabbed it, eager to make it stop. "Plus Jenna Rolan said she saw you in the guidance office writing stuff down, I was wondering if that was a testing thing."

"Yeah, it's separate testing, it's weird." He had to take exams outside the room with extended time, lest he end up having a nervous breakdown and disrupting everyone else. It was embarrassing, but he'd hoped nobody had seen him, since it was just him.

"It's totally fine! I had that during middle school. I only started normal testing in high school, but even then it's hard to focus. My brain just starts buzzing and it's super overwhelming."

"I know! I didn't know anyone else was, like that, in this school, except maybe..." Jeremy stopped before he outed Michael, even though Christine clearly wasn't going to judge either of them. "Never mind. I just didn't know I knew someone else like me."

"I didn't either! I didn't really mind allegedly being the _only_ autistic person in school, but it's just...nice to know other people... _get_ it."

"Are you okay with people knowing?" Jeremy wanted to know, because he really wanted to share this experience with Michael.

Christine nodded slowly. "It doesn't make a difference to me if people know. I know how it affects me, and that's all that matters." Jeremy nodded back, impressed at Christine's confidence, but she wasn't quite finished. "Of course, I mean, I don't like _everything_ about it." She put her hand back down on the fuzzy kingly goodness. "I mean, I could barely handle talking to one person today without burning out."

"Christine, it's totally cool." Jeremy put his hand down on the cape next to hers. "Sometimes it's hard to do all the social stuff, I know, so we need to just...be able to take breaks." It was advice that was hard for him to accept himself, but he liked giving it to Christine.

She looked down at their hands and bit her lip a little. "I guess I just...feel too much for people sometimes, you know? People don't realize that you can feel _too_ much. And it's great and exciting, but it's exhausting, too."

Jeremy nodded. He knew about feeling so much for a person that it was almost overwhelming. He was feeling that right now.

Christine moved her hand carefully off the fabric and touched the tips of her fingers to Jeremy's. Thrown off by the sweet gesture, Jeremy instinctively yanked his hand away.

"Oh, sorry, was that bad?" Christine asked, genuinely worried.

"No, I just wasn't expecting it, I didn't-"

"I'm sorry!" Christine cried.

"No, I'm sorry! I didn't expect the touch, it was...it was good but..." He banged his foot repeatedly against the stage again, and tried to change the subject. "You know, I have the notes from math, they're kind of messy, a-and the answers aren't all right, I might go over them with Michael later cause he knows this stuff better, so if you want actual good notes-"

Christine waved her hand. "We can talk about the boring school stuff later." She pointed to her watch. "It's almost three-fifteen. We should get stuff set up for rehearsal." She hopped up and bounced a bit, finally back in her usual excited mode.

"Oh, yeah, yeah." Jeremy nodded vigorously. Christine gathered her fuzzy robe in one arm, and with her other hand, reached out to Jeremy. This time, Jeremy took her hand of his own volition, and let her lift him off the stage.

Jeremy walked to the prop closet and acquired the lightsabers- the substitute for swords until they found a better prop that suited school guidelines. As he placed the box on the stage, Christine snuck up behind him and threw the cape around his shoulders. Jeremy turned around towards her in surprise.

"It's comforting, right?" she asked, with a cheery smile but some worry in her eyes, probably worried about unintentionally invading his space again.

Luckily, Jeremy wrapped himself further in the king's robe, adopting a goofy English accent, "It's absolutely _regal."_

They both laughed, and Jeremy opened up the cape and took her under his arm, where they both snuggled under the warm softness, feeling safe.


End file.
